is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
