Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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