pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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