he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
