I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
