btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
