Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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