Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He shit in the fireplace
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
