***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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