just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
