he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
