what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
