I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
