my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That reminds me...we need to get swords
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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