I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize