I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
