Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
