Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
