Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
