I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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