don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
