sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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