Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize