I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
there was a trapeze. enough said
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize