I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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