Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She tied me up with her honor cords...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
