it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
