oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
