Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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