Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
