nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
