I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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