for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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