He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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