Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize