Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
