You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
