walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize