his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
