You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
