If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thus making me awesome and them whores
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
