I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
