my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
