and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
