where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
