Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
