He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
