I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize