Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
