idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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