Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
