I think im going to throw up on grandma
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
