genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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