Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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