We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize