Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
