Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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