I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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