A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
