Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
