She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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