I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
