His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
