Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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