the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
