i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
