Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize