I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
