I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
