Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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