I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
