I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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