He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
