My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Randomize
