bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
