youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
