yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
