At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
