can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
