this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
