You work out of a Hotel?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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