so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
