Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
