you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
