she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
