are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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