I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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