note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
