opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
