i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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