I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
