The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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