My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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