Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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