Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You made out with two different species that night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
