I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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