Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
