i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
