Did you just see the Batmobile???
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
