It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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