Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize