I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
