I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
please don't ironically join a cult
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